<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Jin Ling's Struggles by jc_aka_why_me</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23289064">Jin Ling's Struggles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jc_aka_why_me/pseuds/jc_aka_why_me'>jc_aka_why_me</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MDZS, Mo Dao Zu Shi, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A-Yuan is just the worried sunshine he always is, Eavesdropping, Good End, Hurt/Comfort, JL is too noisy &amp; gets mad, LJY isn't much help, Mention of JC, Other, a little angsty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:56:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,440</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23289064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jc_aka_why_me/pseuds/jc_aka_why_me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>This was a request from tumblr that I've wrote and published a while back. You can find my MDZS writing related tumblr under: jcs-writing-hell. You're always free to leave requests, anon or not.</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín &amp; Jīn Líng | Jīn Rúlán, Jīn Líng | Jīn Rúlán &amp; Lán Jǐngyí &amp; Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jin Ling's Struggles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jiang Cheng had tried his best, Jin Ling was completely aware of that.</p><p>Other than what most knew of Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling had really started to see how his uncle truly cared for him.<br/>It started almost instantly after Jin GuangYao died, the back &amp; forth &amp; pulling on Jin Ling. At the time he was around 16, his mental state a mess - yet with the mess the Jin Sect, once again, ended up in.. Who cared about his emotions? Well, Jiang Cheng did.</p><p>Jin Ling slowly healed, at least on the surface, while his maternal uncle tried his best to cover his back. Making up excuse after excuse, with them ranging from "He has just lost his uncle.", to "He is too young." &amp; if anyone tried to dare say "But you were" Jiang Cheng made sure to clarify that the times had been different, that the youths nowadays didn't have the pressure and experience they had had back in the day.</p><hr/><p>Jiang Cheng had tried his best, Jin Ling was both thankful and aware of that.. yet sooner or later, of course, things couldn't go on that way. With 17 he had started to take extra lessons, less physical training, just to get the history &amp; knowledge he needed to be the new leader memorized. And then, now, with almost 18 Jiang Cheng also had run out of plausible excuses. The last thing his uncle had managed was to invite his friends before his ceremony where he'd be first shown off as the "new face of the Jin Sect", "the person that'll finally, for real this time, bring a true change",..</p><p>Needless to say that Jin Ling was stressed. He felt exhausted, strangely enough growing more lonely by day - just like he'd been in his early childhood.</p><p>Even his friends, that were adults by then &amp; had brought Emperors Smile in mass along, couldn't quite drown out the fact that.. Jin Ling felt like a toy &amp; as the most important day of his life so far came closer fast without his parents..</p><hr/><p>Jin Ling didn't even take note of the fact that his friends had disappeared at first. They were camping out &amp; he had one of his moments again where his heart ached, chest tight &amp; air hard to catch in his lungs. Poking around in the fire, he couldn't help but question again.. If all of that was what he wanted with his life. That he shouldn't think that way, because even if his mind would say "no", he had no right to say so. How he was supposed to lead a sect so wrecked &amp; scary as the LanLing Jin Sect.. If his fate was the same as the crooked one of his ancestors, which honestly scared him to death.</p><p>His friends had done a pretty good job over all so far though when it came to both distracting and comforting him - not that he really admitted what was going on, or wrong. Due to that, as Jin Ling finally noticed neither Sizhui nor Jingyi being around he grew understandably worried and got up to search for them. He also managed to find them within no time, yet.. what he heard really.. got his blood to boil.</p><p>,,Do you have an idea what we could try still, A-Yi? I don’t think we’re really being of much help..” Sizhui was clearly worried, Jingyi however acted and sounded a bit too much like his “jerk” self.</p><p>,,I know we wanted to help him.. I mean, we barely got to meet him for like a year now, but.. Don’t you think he has enough help already? Or in general, what are we supposed to help him with? I mean, you also don’t have parents, but to be frank - Doesn’t he have everything else one could dream off? Money, support from pretty much everyone, a bright future ahead of him.. What are the chances that we’d be able to do for him that he doesn’t have already?”</p><p>Sizhui was just about to give his friend a good beating as both of the Lan’s flinched quite hard when Jin Ling stepped - quite literally - out of the shadows, his tone full of betrayal, rage and frustration.</p><p>,,Do you think that’s what I want? Do you actually think that I want any of that, after all that our way of living caused? Don’t you think I’d rather have my parents, or just one of them, instead of all the money and maidens and luxury items on this world? You know what? Forget it. Who even cares. Thanks, thanks a lot.”</p><p>,,A-Ling-” Sizhui’s try to call out for the youngest lead nowhere; all the latter did was lift up a hand in almost a warning like manner as he had already turned and began to storm off. ,,That was really not necessary, A-Yi.. When will you ever learn to think before you speak?”</p><p>,,Stop acting like it’s not the truth that we can’t help him. That we can’t give him what he wants or needs either.” Jingyi snapped back as the oldest glared at him, only to get another glare directed at him before Sizhui walked off as well while saying in an upset tone.</p><p>,,What he needs right now are at least his friends with all the things that are missing in his life - that he should have in his life at such a moment in time. You could do at least that much for him without worrying about whether or not it’ll bear fruit before you even properly tried.”</p><hr/><p>It took a while before the Lan’s found the other sitting in front of a lake against a tree. He looked worryingly gone out and upset, in truth though not half as much as he actually was. Pushing Jingyi forwards, the younger Lan spoke up in a tone so awkward and hesitant.</p><p>,,Uhm.. I.. I just wanted to say that.. I shouldn’t have said what I did.. not behind your back especially.. I.. I’m sorry.”</p><p>,,It’s not even really your fault.. It’s just..” Jin Ling started, only to stop a few words in - causing both Lan’s to exchange a worried look before Sizhui sat down; dragging the other Lan with him.</p><p>,,A-Ling.. What’s wrong? You’re not quite.. yourself, or more how you were a few years ago..”</p><p>Jin Ling only briefly looked at Sizhui, who spoke in a carefully gentle tone, turning slightly away from them at the end as he stared at his hand that was resting above the leg he had bend at the knee. A bit of time passed before he began to open up, not talking too loudly and with pauses here and there.</p><p>,,The problem is more.. What isn’t wrong? The closer my ceremony and 18th birthday come.. I don’t know, there’s just a lot of pressure.. Ever since I can think, even when at the time still both of my uncles sheltered and pampered me.. I was always.. The nephew of, the son of, the future sect leader..”</p><p>Both of the Lan’s heads dropped, but especially Jingyi didn’t dare look at either of his friends as he fiddled with a piece of his robe in such an ashamed manner.</p><p>,,I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my sect, already now.. It’s so.. wrecked, cursed.. How am I supposed to lead this complete and utter mess with people around me that don’t care if it keeps running that way or not. Or with the only person I have left still living hours away, in charge of a sect of his own.. And in between they only keep adding pressure and pressure.. The first time someone gave me letters with maidens that would be good for my sect’s sake to marry was years ago, now they really want me to find a wife - if possible yesterday..”</p><p>Jin Ling turned his head as he heard a few muffled noises, only to see that Sizhui held his hand over Jingyi’s mouth - more than likely to stop the latter from saying something inappropriate yet understandable like “What do you even want with a wife already?”, or so.</p><p>,,And what do you want, A-Ling?”- To both of the Lan’s shock and surprise all the youngest could give as a response for quite a while were empty stares, then shrugging and shaking his head before he said what they could gather already at this point.</p><p>,,I don’t know.. There’s a part of me that when I try to think about it.. does its hardest to stop me from doing so.. Even if I would find an answer, what would it change or matter? I don’t even know who I am deep down inside, apart from the son and what not of.. Even looking back now, to how I behaved from early on.. I tried often to run away. And yeh, honestly even I can’t say A-Yi’s misstress nickname doesn’t somehow fit me.. but it wasn’t that, I ran to have some sort of freedom.. Only to ultimately hide behind what everyone always hides and excuses everything with when it comes to me - or even in front of me.. my title, my heritage, my role in life..”</p><p>Jin Ling paused, clenching the hand he kept staring at into a rather tight fist. ,,Who am I.. What do I want.. I know neither and I’m afraid to find a answer for both, knowing it doesn’t matter..”</p><p>Neither of the 3 knew what to respond to that and Jin Ling couldn’t blame his friends for being at a loss. He was himself, but more than anything he was so.. so incredibly confused and empty deep down inside.</p><p>,,Have you tried talking to your uncle before? .. I mean.. Wasn’t he in an even worse situation?”</p><p>,,The last thing I want is to sound childish and irresponsible.. even worse: make him worry, A-Yi.” The youngest said as he let out a breath far too heavy for a boy in his age. He didn’t know what to do, and even if Jiang Cheng had changed a lot to the better the past few years since the temple incident.. Jin Ling was still worried about how to approach his uncle, really not wanting to disappoint at the end of the day.</p><p>,,There aren’t all too many that know about this, but I was raised to take over the Gusu Lan Sect; just in case… Not that anyone dares to think of a nightmare huge enough to happen for Master Qiren, Zewu-Jun and Hanguang-Jun to die, but.. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is.. If this scenario would happen, and I’d be left with nothing but the ashes of my sect.. I would rebuild it entirely, change the things that are going wrong already in its core..”</p><p>,,That’s not a bad idea, A-Yuan.. If I got it right you were trying to say that our little mistress should completely clean up the mess his sect is, right?”<br/>Sizhui nodded before looking at Jin Ling who looked as lost in thought as he was.</p><p>,,Maybe I should talk to my uncle after all..” Jin Ling then finally said, hesitantly turning back around so he could look at his friends that wore confused expressions - not that he could blame them. ,,I might not know a lot currently, but I know for sure that I don’t want to lead the LanLing Jin Sect how it is now.. It would be mildly risky, yet..”</p><p>,,Stop torturing us and speak properly already!” Jingyi whined, getting nudged in the side from the older Lan for that.</p><p>,,It might be quite the gamble, yet I know they won’t be able to disagree.. I will need some help though, definitely.. I think I.. I think I will set up this massive plan where I tell the elders of the LanLing Jin Sect that I will only take it over if it’s under my own terms. Be it the throwing out of disciples and so forth, close examinations of each member so what happened in the past will remain there.. Closer bonds to the other sects, more openness,.. I also have the birthright to decide how I want the relationship with Yunmeng Jiang to turn out..”</p><p>As half-confident as Jin Ling might’ve sounded, he could feel his heart race, hands shake and palms grow sweaty from all the nervousness; paired with this weirdly thrilling rush. His mind was going all sorts of places, no dark ones for once - to the point where he needed a minute or two maybe before realising that his friends looked at him.. like he had gone nuts, while they looked like they were in the process of doing so themselves.</p><p>,,But what if they-”</p><p>,,We will definitely help you, A-Ling! Whatever support you need, I know most sects will be willing to agree.”</p><p>Jin Ling felt his own lips and teeth hurt from how hard Sizhui had slammed his hand once again over Jingyi’s lips as the latter had tried to say something rather understandable - that could cause his mood to go downhill again.<br/>At the end they all nodded.. before awkward silence spread between them as none knew what to do or say now.. Or well, at least until Sizhui spoke up again, his tone giving away that there’d be no chance to say "no", or even argue.</p><p>,,That calls for a group hug.”</p><p>,,Forget it!” For once Jingyi and Jin Ling were in sync, even sharing the same opinion.. just like a moment later when their expressions distorted into both fear and horror as Sizhui’s turned into one so spine-chilling similar to<br/>Lan Wangji’s.</p><p>,,Group. Hug. Now.” Even his tone was.. scarier than anything Jiang Cheng could manage - For the sakes of their young lives, the two younger ones then simply spread their arms in defeat as Sizhui pulled them together.. In one of the many group hugs he forced them into secretly; usually and mostly when drunk though.</p><p>A few moments into the hug Jin Ling glanced down at Sizhui who had turned out to be quite a bit smaller than him over the years.. and as guessed, the oldest looked up at him and winked. Jin Ling only smiled a shy one..</p><p>Yet as several minutes later they had returned back to their fireplace it was more than evident that the super glue of their group - Sizhui - had done a pretty good job at comforting him.. And Jingyi had also done his usual small amount, even if it was only provoking Jin Ling until he finally spilled what was going wrong; which Jin Ling couldn’t quite believe was accidental, neither that day or on any other.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was a request from tumblr that I've wrote and published a while back. You can find my MDZS writing related tumblr under: jcs-writing-hell. You're always free to leave requests, anon or not.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>